I realised today that my whiteboard needs to be wiped. Not edited, WIPED CLEAN. It’s one long messy scrawled list of failures. Open call after funding app after open call application/submission/letter of interest. two more emails of NO THANKS GO AWAY yesterday too. The usual, ‘you wouldn’t believe how many applications we had- we found your work very interesting BUT’ etc etc. I’ve written about this before, managing rejection I mean. It’s all fine, the rejection too obvs, part of the process. But my whiteboard is like a look into the past, all that time and energy spent. I got another thanks but no thanks email this morning which caused me to look up at my WB, peering through the scrawl to see where the written up application was on the board, so as to put the usual sad smiley beside it. 

Then I realised it is not serving me, but draining me. I was on instagram too much today, and reading about too many artists doing cool stuff and feeling utterly useless. The irony of me who should know better is not lost upon me. Comparison is a waste of time and the thief of joy, yada yada. Time to wipe off all those failed applications and start again! Also after a dispiriting day of trying to be stoic and not take rejection personally I got an email from a company Ive been pursuing about public painting, they are initially agreeable to the prospect. One small arm extended of hope in a sea of rejections. Take it and run..