Just like my head, thinking about what has to be done in the next few weeks, how the days literally hurtle by and how dystopian life is- worrying about my own shit, then opening my phone and reading about Afghanistan, seeing people reaching up small kids to the soldiers, young guys who look panicked and scared shitless trying to deal with an impossible situation.. and Haiti, with people nowhere to live as their houses have either fallen down or are so damaged its not safe to sleep in them, and me over here worrying about my house rebuild and the fact that we have no heat or hot water and no privacy for a few weeks, and the work i have coming up and how i will get time to do it.

A few days ago i opened my phone and noted that the first 3 emails were about upcoming art shows I’m in. I thought about how much I’ve wanted to get to a stage like this where there is work upcoming and I am not (currently) panicking about making work happen for the future. It’s a privileged situation for sure. One I have worked hard for, and do not take for granted, but no less a privilege. and its temporary. And I was a NOPE for the agility award as apparently the dates I put in were wrong, and I’ve not even had time to check this out as was away with no wifi and access to emails was fleeting.

This summer has been, builders, noise, organising, sending endless texts to organise kid stuff, more noise, more builders, stepping over wood and bricks and piles of random stuff, rain, email after email to TDs and ministers about SNA allocation, crouching in bedroom sending yet more emails, away in a rainy place w family, no wifi, claustrophobia, piles of laundry, reading asterix and obelix, zoom calls. and watching the bumble bees fly noisily out of their little next under the stacked roof tiles in the garden, and wondering at their sheer tenacity and ability to survive. Learning to mind my own hive and thing about what that means, as I am of course not their owner, merely their minder. Moments of great, intense joy w the kids.