Back 4 days now from my week at Milford House, home of Live Art Ireland, attending an intensive week of performance workshopping with collectives Vest and Page, and La Pocha Nostra.
Still thinking about the experience. Not had sufficient time to reflect fully on my time spent there. Significantly it was the longest time I’d spent away from my kids since my middle kid A was in Leeds for her operation in 2017 and we spent a week on/week off with her there. I was amused by how much I longed for solitude during the week- I’d sneak away for quiet time in my room and would get out for a walk or a workout each morning to top up my solitude cup. I am not the most social person I have once again remembered. And I found the lack of structure that was consistent for a lot of the time very frustrating – it seemed to me to be rude and offensive when I had gone to such lengths to get there. I reminded myself after a few days that the problem was mine to get over, and that I needed to reframe the experience of being there and stop looking for value in obvious ways. Besides I was getting huge value and learning from elements of the summit. I did one good thing which I am glad of- I took notes each day and drew. I am going to document these here as a way to not forget what kind of stuff we did each day and who I worked with and how it felt. I did this last year and it proved useful. The notes capture something that writing about it can’t. The notes helped me be in the space as a participant but also as an observer.
This will suffice for this evening. I have that familiar sense of anxiety over not having enough time, or not using my time efficiently more like, and feeling overwhelmed with the list of jobs I havn’t gotten done yet. Gnawing anxiety.
Meanwhile, thinking back on the residency. Met loads of wonderful artists. Kind, clever, talented artists. Worth it for that alone. Had to do loads of cleaning as I ended up being rostered for loads for some reason but actually it allowed me to get to know some of the others in a way that probably suited me better. I like to be doing, to be engaged in the act of doing, so I was able to ‘do’ and also interact with people. The collective experience of having to fall in with a larger routine (rather than just my own) was also good for me. I realise I lead such a tightly orchestrated life day to day- training, exercising, working, parenting, that I resent any ‘wasted’ time. So having to let go of this and let go of structure was not a bad thing for me, for a time that is.
Every morning I got up and went for a walk around the fields, or on a few mornings I did a weights session with my 16kg KB I’d brought. But the fields were so much larger, and further away, and open and calming. I got to spend time with myself and whatever podcast, not needing to perform, just listen and walk.
Cobweb dew drop early morning sculptures I’d see when out walking. Also, calming fields in Tipperary. Im glad I took the time to finish this blog tonight- I will write more about the performances I made and witnessed.
